Archive for July, 2005

Long Lost Yellow Papers

Monday, July 11th, 2005

Posted February 15th, 2007:

The following was written sometime between July 9th and July 13th of 2005 on a scrap yellow sheet of paper up at YouthLeader. I remember it was during a journaling session, when I was sitting back in a corner of the room. I was the videographer for the camp, and I had free time during this session so I wrote:

Why? Why… What? My mind is static. Static like a TV with no signal. But my static is the static of too much “signal”. It’s been one year since I was sitting here with Christina at my side. That part of my life has come and gone. It is time for a new girl…

Girls. That’s always the first thing that comes to mind to help clear my mind. Strange. Would I be sitting here if that girl over there wasn’t here? I glanced over earlier and saw her with tears in her eyes. She was writing. That spawned my idea to get this note-pad out.

Why do I feel the need to explain so much in writing. There isn’t enough time to write it out. It is better to spend my time out there experiencing life rather than in here writing away. Thinking of words to write… I was just outside with Devon having a powerful conversation. We talked —- Never mind what we talked about. It was an experience and writing about these takes up time that could be spent experiencing life. If you ever watch a priest walking about and he’s looking at life… He’s walking along and stops to watch something small. Something like the water, or a dog. It’s the small things where he looks for God. He looks around… wandering on his own… but today I actually was able to see him walking along with Jesus at his side. It was as if he was adoring His creations with Him. He was talking with Jesus, without even moving his lips.

It’s quite frustrating to read that line where I wrote “We talked — Never mind” because that’s what’s actually on the paper! I actually mentioned that it was powerful, and now reading this later I truly with I had written down what we talked about so I could remember it! Now this whole idea contradicts everything I wrote up there about how we should experience things instead of writing so much! Which also is proven false by the very fact that I spent the time to write it out for the second time now, onto my blog! Funny how personal journals can be – that’s why I try to keep fairly open with my blog entries =P But there is still a line.

I also found a second sheet that was probably from when they asked the participants of the camp to write out a testimony…and here’s what I wrote:

My testimony? If I had to do one, I would talk of the power of forgiveness and how cool kids aren’t as cool as you may think.